"Cautiously, Napoleon went inside. Illya had changed from the stolen trousers into his pyjama bottoms, and the attire made it very clear that the problem had not subsided. Noticing that Napoleon had noticed—it was impossible not to notice—Illya growled again.
“Didn’t you, uh….” Napoleon made a lewd gesture. “I mean, maybe it’s bourgeois decadence, but in the circumstances….”
“Of course I tried that. Did not work.”
“Oh,” Napoleon said. Turning away, he suggested, “Uh, sometimes it takes twice to, uh, go the whole way down.”
“No,” Illya said. “I was not…able to…achieve climax.”
“Oh,” he said again. “Uh…and that’s…not a problem you normally have?”
“No.”
“Er…cold shower?” he offered, still not looking at Illya.
“Tried.”
“Thinking about the suffering of Christ on the Cross?”
“What?”
“It’s what the priest said to do for impure thoughts,” Napoleon explained. “Never actually worked for me, but….”
“I am atheist.”
“Right, so…er, did Lenin suffer anywhere?”
“I could kill you with one hand.”"
P.S. Диалоги на 5+, серьезно.
“Okay.” Napoleon took a deep breath. “We’re friends, right?”
“If you say so.”
That…could have been more encouraging. “Right. So you understand that I’m only trying to help.”
“If you say so,” Illya repeated.
“So you’re not going to murder me, right?”
“That depends on what your plan is.”
“Just out of curiosity, what do you think the plan might be, that would cause you to murder me?”